Asparagus officinalis has been cultivated and coveted by gastroristocrats since the days of Ancient Greece. Throughout history it has been prized as a difficult to grow, luxury vegetable. If you feel like flashing a little culinary bling you can razzle dazzle some guests with grilled asparagus doused in fancy-pants orange-enhanced Béarnaise. The grass doesn’t get any greener.

grilled asparagus with orange Béarnaise

INGREDIENTS

15-20 small to medium asparagus spears

Orange Béarnaise

3 egg yolks

2 Tbsp fresh squeezed navel orange juiced

1 tsp white wine vinegar

1/2 pound cold butter

pinch of salt

2 sprigs of tarragon, leaves only, finely chopped

serve with a grilled porterhouse and some boiled new potatoes

PROCEDURE

Fire up barbecue and get it screaming hot.

Boil some new potatoes while you get going with everything else.

To make the Béarnaise: Put the yolks, orange juice, vinegar and butter into a cold medium-sized pot. Get out your whisk and put the pot over medium-low heat.

Stir dilligently—you don’t have to stir hard, you don’t have to stir quickly, you just have to stir constantly. Don’t think you can walk away for a second.

You’ll notice the sauce starting to get smooth and creamy, but still quite thin and runny. Just be patient and keep stirring. It will start to thicken up.

When it is nearly the rich, velvety consistency of hollandaise, remove it (and keep it away) from the heat source. Stir in the tarragon.

Ideally you want to use it immediately, but if that’s not possible just make sure it doesn’t sit around for more than half an hour.

If it becomes too thick as it sits, whisk in a couple drops of warm water to loosen it up.

Head over to the barbecue with your steak and asparagus. Drizzle the asparagus with oil and sprinkle with salt to season before you pop it on the grill.

Roll the asparagus when it starts to get charred.

Grill the porter house to desired doneness, let it rest on a clean cutting board for 5-10 minutes and slice it nice and thin.

Serve up the grilled asparagus, boiled potatoes and grilled steak all smothered with loads of orange Béarnaise sauce.

gets along with

bacon, butter, chives, eggs, ham, olive oil, orange,  parmessan, new potatoes, smoked salmon or smoked trout, sour cream, tarragon and walnuts

fresh pick

Asparagus will perish quickly. So ideally you want to get it on the day it was picked so it is firm and sweet. Damaged leaves, flimsy stems or frayed bottoms are not worth getting. Thicker stems will need peeling to remove woody skin at the bottom, but thin stems should be crisp and tender.

quick fire

Drive up to the Edgar Farms Asparagus Festival on May 29-30 and hop on the ‘wagon’ ride. Learn lots of interesting trivia about asparagus while you bounce along the dirt road. Hop off, run over to the field, snap off a spear and take a bite. You will be stunned by the sweet juicy crunch of perfect fresh asparagus.

Check out www.edgarfarms.com or call (403) 227-2443 for time, location and event details

nerdbyte

Thanks to asparagusic acid, some folks produce strong smelling urine after eating asparagus. Oddly, not everyone can perceive the strong odour even if they produce it.

Click here to check out last year’s asparagus recipe

It’s mushroom hunting season.

If you are brave enough to head out into the wilderness in search of the fungi make sure you wear your hunting mushroom cap and take along your pepper spray… mushrooms taste better with pepper. Just be warned the perils are great if you decide to face the spores outdoors. There are plenty of poisonous mushrooms just waiting for an unsuspecting human to come along to send on a psychedelic journey to the afterlife.

Unless you know your way around the mushroom kingdom, it might be best to leave the Big Game mushrooms to the expert hunters. 

But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy mushrooms cooked in the hunter’s style. Mushroom Cacciatore (Italian for hunter’s style) is a great way to prepare a pack of portobellos as a main course.

INGREDIENTS

4 portobello mushrooms, stems removed

cooking oil

6 cloves of garlic

1 cup of robust red wine

3 cups of tomato puree

1 cup grated gruyere

1 cup bread crumbs

salt and loads of fresh cracked pepper

PROCEDURE

Preheat the oven to broil.

Get a great big frying pan (all metal, so it can go in the oven) on the stove over medium high heat. Let the pan get hot for 5 minutes. Pour in enough vegetable oil to grease the pan and immediately place the mushrooms in with the gills facing down. Toss in the garlic cloves all willy nilly.

Cook the shrooms for 5 minutes until they get nicely crispy brown around the edges. Flip the mushrooms over, season liberally with salt and pepper. Add the white wine and cook away the boozey smell. Add the tomato sauce around the mushrooms and season again with salt and pepper. Bring the whole mess to a boil.

Top with gruyere, bread crumbs and a nice drizzle of olive oil.

Pop it in the oven until they are golden brown and crispy on top.

Serve hot with some mashed rutabaga and “hot-under-the-collard” greens.

Further reading…

Jamie Oliver Magazine is looking fantastic! I haven’t missed an issue yet and I’m especially thrilled with the offering of the illustrated Make Me in the back of the mag. It is the illustrated recipe page with outstanding illustrations by the young and talented French illustrator Emma Tissier. I just discovered she has a tonne of books available on Amazon (french). 

Incidentally, when the magazine first came out with the first illustrated backpage by Jose Reis de Matos (awesome illustrator from Pork and Sons and French Feasts), I made every effort to become one of the contributors to that page. After some back and forth with the art director I sent in a hopeful submission for an illustrated variation for Mushroom Cacciatore… but to no avail. Emma was too well established and she continues to improve with marvellous contributions to the magazine every issue. 

For the sake of interest, here is my original contribution to the magazine… it’s not quite as timely as it was a couple months ago, but part of me was holding out for the chance to get into the mag. Well done Emma, I love your stuff!

Dividing up the Neapolitan ice cream can be a real three-way tug of war. The tension builds throughout the meal as to who will be the first to pick out their favourite flavours and leave the dregs to the plebs. 

The Chocolate fiends are the type who aggressively attack with a spoon to get their fix. The Strawberry fans use their seductive powers to lure the ice cream over to their spoon. The Vanilla hoarders are puritans, but they use their sense of entitlement to demand their vanilla share.

Here is a recipe for everyone to enjoy eating a little bit of chocolate, strawberry and vanilla… but it’s not for dessert, it’s the main event it’s…

Cocoa pork tenderloin, roast strawberries and vanilla potatoes* 

INGREDIENTS

pork

1 large Pork tenderloin

½ cup Cocoa powder

1 oz Brandy

Veg oil

 strawberries

20 Fresh or frozen strawberries, shucked and left whole

½ red onion, finely diced

Drizzle of oil

good pinch of salt

Just a little splash of balsamic

potatoes

2 large russet potatoes

¾ cup heavy cream

½ Vanilla bean, split and scraped

good pinch of salt

2 Tbsp Butter

PROCEDURE

Preheat oven to 425˚F. 

Strawberries

In a baking dish combine strawberries and diced red onions. Drizzle with vegetable oil and sprinkle on the salt. Toss a bit to coat evenly with oil. Blap them into the oven and roast until the strawberries just get slightly brunt on the tips.

When the strawberries are just slightly burnt on the tips, remove from oven and splash on the balsamic. Serve warm or room temperature with pork (put any leftovers on a sandwich with brie the next day). 

Vanilla Potatoes

Peel and quarter the potatoes and put them in a large pot. Cover with cold water and get the potatoes on to boil. Bring them up to just about a boil and reduce heat so it doesn’t boil violently and rough up the potatoes.

In a small pot combine cream, vanilla and salt. Bring to a simmer, shut off the heat and let the vanilla flavour infuse.

When the potatoes are fork tender, drain and put them back into the pot to let off some steam for 5 minutes. 

Run the potatoes through a ricer or a mouli into a large bowl. Remove the vanilla pod and mix the cream into the potatoes.

Cocoa pork tenderloin

In a bowl combine cocoa powder, brandy and pepper to form a loose paste. Brush or rub the surface of the pork tenderloin liberally with the cocoa paste.

Get a frying pan on the stove over medium heat and let it get nice and hot for at least 5 minutes. Sear the pork on all sides to add colour (be careful not to burn the cocoa) and transfer the whole thing directly into the oven. Cook until the middle of the tenderloin registers 145˚F. Remove from the oven, transfer to a cutting board, cover loosely with tinfoil and let it rest for 10 minutes.

To serve

Get a nice ice cream scoop of potatoes on the plate, drizzle around the strawberries and place a lovely piece or two of pork tenderloin on top. Sprinkle a little finishing salt and some pepper on top.

Serves 4 as long as nobody fights over the flavours.

Last week Julie (from Dinner with Julie) decided to host a Julie/Julia Dinner party for a handful of local food bloggers. We each brought something from Mastering the Art of French Cooking that we had prepared earlier. While we feasted Julia Child tutted about her kitchen as The French Chef reruns played in the background.

Here’s what we ate…

The menu

Vichyssoise 

Delectable creamy potato soup served cold and delicious

Moussaka

The most incredible molded eggplant and lamb dish that took no less than 2 days to prepare 

Pommes Parisien The synopsis version

Use a Parisien Scoop to scoop out little potato balls. Fry them in lots of butter (if you think you have too much, double it) over a medium-low heat until they get golden and lovely, then at the last minute turn the heat up and add lots of salt and shake em all around until they get lovely and crispy and dark golden and delicious.

Thanks for a fantastic dinner party Julie and for not suing me for stealing this picture from your blog.

Okotber is not the only time for festibrating.

Happy Nowemberfest from Thor, the god of Thunder and Wiener Schnitzel! 

Most people are not aware that Thor is of Germanic descent and that his mighty hammer, Mjollnir, is not only a powerful magical weapon, it also makes exceptional Wiener Schnitzel.

What would Thor do during this time of celebration? Well, he would put on some song trousers, tip back a few biers with his fraus, grab his meat hammer and pound some meat to make a polka-inspiring pile of Wiener Schnitzel.

For all you mere mortals out there, it can be just as easy to pound out your own Wiener Schnitzel to celebrate. Just grab your meat hammer and before you know it, you’ll be pounding out Wiener Schnitzel faster than you can pound back a massive frosty jug of golden brew.

Raise your jugs and your hammer to Nowemberfest, let’s make it last straight through Decemberfest!

INGREDIENTS 

4 pork chops (between 1/2 -3/4 inch thick)

1 cup flour

4 eggs

salt

3 cups bread crumbs

½ cup melted butter

fresh lemon juice

PROCEDURE

It’s traditional to use veal for this recipe, but you can also use chicken or my personal favourite, pork chops.

Get a big piece of plastic wrap flat on your counter. Place one pork chop on the plastic and cover with another large piece of plastic wrap.

Not even Thor can pound out a schnitzel with one swing. It takes some time and patience to hammer out an evenly flat piece of schnitzel. 

Here are some tips for the novice meat hammer handler. Use the flat side of your meat hammer and pound away on the entire pork chop surface to start tenderizing it. Don’t just wail on it or you’ll tear the meat.  Hammer it evenly all over the pork chop. Work around in a circle and make sure you are hitting it squarely with the flat surface of the hammer. Keep pounding until you have a great big wide pork chop that is a mere ¼ inch thick. Keep it in the plastic and set it aside while you hammer out the rest of the chops. You’ll get the swing of it.

Now get three big plates or shallow baking dishes ready for breading the schnitzels.

On the first plate you’ll put the flour with a good sprinkle of salt.

On the second plate beat the eggs with a fork and a pinch of salt.

On the third plate put one cup of the bread crumbs and spread them nice and even.

Get your biggest frying pan on the stove and heat it up over medium heat. Keep the pan dry (no oil) while it heats up.

Pick up your first chop and dip it in the flour so it gets a nice even coating all over.

Transfer the beaten meat to the egg mix and make sure it is covered thoroughly with no dry spots.

Now shake off excess egg goop and dip it in the breadcrumb mixture. Make sure it is thoroughly coated and put the breaded chop on a clean plate while you bread the others. Finish the rest of the chops adding more breadcrumbs to the third plate as needed.

Now your pan should be nice and hot. Pour in the melted butter so there at least a 1/8 inch covering the bottom of the pan.

Put as many schnitzels as you can fit in and fry them until they are golden brown. Flip and finish cooking on the other side. You may have to up the heat, depending on your stove and how well the Schnitzels are browning.

Serve them hot and crunchy from the pan with a good squeeze of fresh lemon juice.

Welcome to Kitchen Scraps Trick-Or-Eat post. Today, nine favorite food, craft & lifestyle bloggers await behind nine haunted houses with an array of holiday treats created just for you. At the end of this post, you will find two of these mystery houses. To join in the holiday fun, simply click on one of the buttons and you’ll be linked to the next home on the block. You can also discover all of the Trick-Or-Eat contributors and find direct links to their posts at www.Trick-Or-Eat.com. Happy Halloweening!

Here’s my favourite halloweenie excerpt from my very-own just-released Kitchen Scraps: A humorous illustrated cookbook

Vampire Slayer’s Garlic-Laced Chicken

When it comes to handling vampire chickens, it isn’t enough to just chop off their heads . . . they’ll just keep running around. Well, a headless vampire chicken isn’t much of a threat considering the fangs are in the beak, but they can still make a big mess with the feathers and blood squirting all over.

The only way to deal with it is to pump it full of garlic, which happens to be a very delicious way of preparing any kind of night fowl creature. Variations on the popular recipe “Chicken with 40 Cloves of Garlic” is actually an excellent way to deal with any kind of poultry, and any cut of poultry, and will help keep all varieties of vampires away.

6 heads of garlic, a glug of olive oil, and salt for roasting

2 free-range chicken breasts, skin-on

salt and pepper to season chicken

1 tsp vegetable oil

1 Tbsp butter

1 shallot, minced

1 glass of white wine

1/2 cup heavy cream

salt and pepper for sauce

small handful of parsley, finely chopped

1 sprig of tarragon, leaves only, finely chopped

Procedure

Preheat the oven to 400°F.

First roast your garlic. Preheat the oven to 400°F. Trim off the pointy top to expose the cloves. Drizzle with oil, sprinkle with salt, wrap it in foil, and blap it in the oven for 45-55 minutes. Set aside to cool while you prepare the chicken. When cool, squeeze out the cloves. 

Pat the chicken dry with a paper towel and season with salt and pepper.

Get a large ovenproof frying pan (all metal, no plastic) over medium heat. When the pan is hot, dribble in the oil, place the chicken breasts skin side down, and just leave it to let the skin get golden and crispy, about 8 to 10 minutes.

Flip the chicken and immediately transfer the pan to the oven to roast for 10 to 15 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through.

Prep the rest of the ingredients, which are for the sauce, including squeezing out all the cloves of roasted garlic into a bowl and picking out the stray bits of papery garlic skin.

When the chicken is done, remove the pan from the oven and transfer the chicken to a plate to rest. Using an oven mitt, get the pan back on the stove over high heat to start making the sauce. (Be careful as the handle will stay hot for a long time.) Add the butter to the residual chicken fat and quickly sweat the shallots until translucent.

Add the white wine and cook until the boozy smell evaporates. Add the roasted garlic and roughly mush with a fork to incorporate it with the sauce. Pour in the heavy cream, along with juices from the plate where the chicken is resting, and reduce to thicken the sauce. Remove it from the heat, adjust the flavour with salt and pepper to taste, and finish by mixing in the herbs right before you spoon it generously over the plated chicken.

Serve with big chunks of baguette to sop up the sloppy sauce or simple boiled potatoes.

Will slay the hunger of 2 hungry slayers.

Whooo’s Next? To see what other Trick-Or-Eat hosts have cooked up for your viewing pleasure, click on one of the haunted homes below

This week’s mystery bluebox contained:

big carrots, baby carrots, caulifower (small) , chard, cilantro, cucumber,garlic, grapefruit, lemons, mango (rock hard), onion, pear, rhubarb (big)

chicken with lemon juice and cilantro served on a bed of sauteed swiss chard  with a pear and chard slawlad and honey/mustard/grapefruit vinaigrette

honey, mustard and grapefruit vinaigrette

1 Tbsp Grainy mustard

1 Tbsp runny honey

1/2 cup olive oil

2 Tbsp hazelnut oil (if you got it, otherwise don’t sweat it)

juice of 1 grapefruit

salt to taste

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and whisk to combine. Divide dressing in half and combine half with 2 Tbsp of mayonnaise. 

Half will be used to flavour the swiss chard, the other half (with mayonaise) will dress the slawlad.

pear, chard and rhubarb slaw and sauteed swiss chard

8 small swiss chard leaves

1 pear

1 rib of rhubarb

The swiss chard stems will be finely julienned for the slawlad, while the leaves will be tossed in vinaigrette and sauteed. 

Remove the swiss chard stems and very finely slice them (julienne), set aside in a medium bowl. Stack the leaves, roll into a cigar shape and finely slice the leave (chiffonade). Place leaves in their own bowl and dress them with the half of the vinaigrette that does not contain mayonnaise. 

Slice the pear and the rhubarb into match sticks (julienne), add to the julienned swiss chard stems. Dress this slaw with the dressing that has mayonnaise. 

Set both aside in their own bowls or containers.

sauteed chicken

2 chicken breast with the skin on

salt and pepper

1/4 cup fresh chopped cilantro

juice of 1 lemon

Get a large pan over medium heat. Rub down the chicken breast with some olive oil, season with salt and pepper. Place the chicken breasts skin side down in the hot pan (pan must be hot!). When the skin is crispy, about 6 minutes, flip it over, drop heat to medium low and continue cooking for 6 more minutes. Toss on some chopped cilantro and squeeze on some lemon juice and toss in a little nob of butter cook for 4 more minutes. Take out the chicken and set it aside to rest.

Fire up your pan to full tilt and when it’s hot, toss in the marinated swiss chard leaves. They only take a couple minutes to wilt down nicely and now it’s time to plate. 

On a nice big plate, pile up a nice stack of the slawlad, lay down some of the sauteed swiss chard and top it with the sliced chicken breast.

Serves two quite happily. 

Last night yo momma made me dinner. She puts out, quite a spread.

During dinner yo momma told me all the different things she could stuff in her thighs. Yo Momma has quite an imagination! I told her I was quite pleased with the herby goat cheese stuffing, but I’d be open to experimenting. 

Here is the recipe for Yo Momma’s easy stuffed chicken thighs with herby lemon goat cheese.

Wait until you see what your mom made for dessert….

ingredients

4 boned chicken thighs with the skin on

100g goat cheese

2 Tbsp of chopped fresh assorted herbs such as rosemary, thyme, tarragon or parsley

zest and juice of one lemon

salt and pepper to taste

procedure

Preheat oven to 425˚F. Put an all metal frying pan in the oven to preheat in the oven.

In a bowl, combine the goat cheese, chopped herbs, salt and pepper to form a smooth paste.

Place a large piece of plastic wrap down on your cutting board and put the chicken thighs skin down on the wrap with plenty of room between the thighs.

Cover them loosely with more plastic wrap so it doesn’t get messy. Use a meat hammer to pound out the chicken thighs. Don’t pound too hard or the thighs could fall apart and it won’t be much use stuffing them if they are full of holes.

Divide the stuffing in four. Remove the top layer of plastic and place a lump of goat cheese towards the bottom of the chicken thigh. Grab the bottom flap and tightly roll the thighs up until you have a nice tight roll with the skin on the outside of the roll. Drizzle with a little oil to lubricate and avoid sticking and season with salt and pepper.

Get the hot pan out of the oven. Place the rolls seam-side down with space between the rolls and blap the whole thing back into the oven. Cook for 20-25 minutes depending on how thick the rolls are. It’s ready when the chicken is cooked through, the outside is crispy and the cheese is nice and softened.

Serve with mashed potatoes and peas and carrots. Serves two: me and Yo Momma!

Millions of years ago the Megalicious Lasagnasaurus roamed the earth eating cytoplasmic sludge, fungal goo and thick and chunky rag-ooze. Recently, paleontologists dug down through the layers of the earth’s crust to discover the remains of an intact frozen M. Lasagnasaurus. After carefully thawing and reheating the prehistoric beast they discovered that it was the ancient ancestor of the Lasagna Moderna. So they ate it. But, using leftover DNA samples they have been able to re-create the humongous prehistoric herbivore. Here is how you can recreate your own M. Lasagnasaurus using some special scientific equipment at home. 

Before you get started, here is some helpful equipment to have:

• KitchenAid Stand-up mixer: for making large batches of dough.

• KitchenAid Pasta rolling attachment: for rolling out massive amounts of super thin dough

OR a classic hand crank pasta roller will do the trick, but will take a very, very long time.

• KitchenAid Food processor: for pulverizing the cytoplasmic sludge and the fugal goo

• A large pot: for slow cooking the tomato sauce

• A huge spring form pan (17” x 7” x 3.5”deep): or any other very large and deep baking dish. The spring form is cool because you can pop it out the lasagna and see the layers and people will oooh and aaaah.

KitchenAid technology in the field of pasta-regeneration have made it possible to clone a modern day M. Lasagnasaurus. Although it is possible to re-create the M. Lasagnasaurus without the use modern technology it is much more difficult and time consuming.

INGREDIENTS

Thick and chunky ragooze

4 carrots, diced

2 onions, diced

4 ribs of celery, diced

vegetable oil as needed

2 cloves garlic

1 – 100 oz. can crushed tomatoes (not a typo… 100 oz.)

2 Tbsp dried oregano

Sautee carrots and onions with vegetable oil in a very large pot over medium heat until the become caramelised. Add the celery, cooking until translucent. Add garlic, oregano and tomato sauce. Reduce heat to medium low and cook for 2-3 hours, stirring occassionally until sauce is thick and bubbly like molten lava. Whatever you don’t use in the lasagna will taste delicious on simple pasta with parmessan and fresh parsley.

Cytoplasmic sludge

2 large bags of spinach

400g ricotta cheese

juice and zest of 1 lemon

3 Tbsp vegetable oil

2 cloves garlic

Salt and pepper

In a large pot over medium high heat add the oil and garlic. When garlic begins to sizzle add the spinach and place lid on. Cook, stirring occasionally  until spinach is wilted. Remove lid to cook away excess liquid. You can either combine the remaining ingredients in a bowl with a spoon or place all ingredients in a food processor and blend until smooth to create a cytoplasmic sludge. Either way, don’t forget to season with salt and pepper.

Fungal goo

30 button mushrooms, quartered

4 Tbsp vegetable oil

salt and pepper

½ cup red wine

2 Tbsp balsamic vinegar

Brown quartered mushrooms in single layer batches over medium heat. Don’t move mushrooms much in the pan so they have time to brown. Set aside mushrooms in a large bowl as they are browned. When mushrooms are done, deglaze the pan with red wine and add the mushrooms back, cook for 5 minutes on high. Add balsamic, salt and pepper. Can be used as is or cooled and pureed in a food processor to create a smooth fungal goo. 

Sial segments 

4 large eggs

2 Tbsp water

1 Tbsp oil

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 cup semolina flour

1/2 tsp salt

Put all the ingredients into the mixer bowl and using the paddle attachment mix on number 2 for 45 seconds. Switch the paddle for the dough hook and continue kneading on 2 for 3 minutes. Remove the dough and knead on the counter for 2 minutes. It should be fairly smooth and slightly elastic. Use it right away or keep wrapped tightly in plastic in the fridge for up to a couple days. When using it from the fridge allow it to come to room temperature for 20 minutes before rolling it out.

Other ingredients for assembly

2 Tbsp oil

1/2 cup all-purpose flour, for dusting the sheets

10 large bocincini or 3 cups shredded mozzarella

1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

ASSEMBLY

Preheat the oven to 425˚ F. 

Attach the pasta sheet roller onto your Kitchen Aid Standup mixer. Divide the dough into 6 pieces. Keep dough under damp cloth until ready to roll. Have your flour handy for dusting the pasta.

Set the roller to thickest setting and turn on the machine to speed 2. Flatten out one ball of dough with your hand. Generously flour the pasta and then feed it through the machine. If it cracks or looks uneven, it’s fine, it usually takes a few runs to get it smooth. Just fold it in half and run it through again on the thickest setting. When the dough is smooth, fold it into thirds and run it through the machine so you end up with something roughly rectangular. Now adjust the roller settings to two increments higher (thinner) and run the dough again, making sure there is plenty of flour to keep it from sticking. Continue running the dough through, setting the roller to a higher (thinner) setting until you run it through on the thinest setting. Do one sheet at a time as you go along. If you do them all at once and leave them out while you assemble they will get dried out. 

Now time to build the lasagna. Generously lubricate the baking dish (17” x 7” x 3.5”deep) with 2 Tbsp of oil. Start with a base layer of tomatey Rag-ooze on the bottom and lay down some thin pasta sheets.

The layering does not have to be perfect to be delicious. Don’t worry about holes or perfectly rectangular pasta sheets, just drape them over the edge of the pan and rest assured it will all taste delicious. you can even just use scrap pieces to patch in holes and gaps.

Now put a thin layer of fungal goo. Then a layer of pasta. Then a thin layer of cytoplasmic sludge. Then more pasta. 

Keep going… Rag-ooze, pasta, goo, pasta, sludge, pasta, etc. until you just about reach the top (leave 3/4 inch). Cover the top with tomato rag-ooze, torn bocincini balls or shredded mozarella and finally the Parmesan cheese. 

Blap the whole thing in the oven and bake at 425˚ F for 20 minutes, then reduce heat to 325˚F for 1 hour and finally you can finish it under the broiler if it needs a little more brown on top. Let the whole mess rest for at least 20 minutes out of the oven, then divide the deep layered monster amongst your hungry pack of dinosaurs.

Feeds a crowd of 12-16 hungry-hungry herbivores.

Sorry bout the photo, forgot the camera at home when we went away for the weekend, had to snap this with the phone… but hey, it sure was tasty and satisfied a pretty hungry crowd!

There is a fine line between desperately creepy and lovingly affectionate. To help you navigate such a thin line skip tearing out your heart and make this hot and sticky bleeding heart radicchio. The vegetarian option makes it a great choice for vegetarians with a morbid sense of humour.

Radicchio is a small tightly wrapped red leafed lettuce with a slightly bitter taste. Slow braising this bitter lettuce in tomato juice and maple syrup creates an amazingly sticky sweet richness that only comes from putting some true love into your food. 

Desperately creepy                                   

 Lovingly affectionate

INGREDIENTS:

1 radicchio

1 Tbsp oil

2 pieces of bacon, sliced (optional)

1 cup of tomato juice

2 Tbsp maple syrup

pinch of salt

1/4 tsp chili flakes

PROCEDURE:

Peel away the rough outer leaves of the radicchio. Cut the radicchio in half. Get a medium frying pan on medium heat.

If you are using bacon, add it now with the oil and cook until browned and slightly crispy. Move the bacon to the sides and place the radicchio flat side down in the oil. 

If you are not using bacon, just heat the oil and lay the radicchio flat side down in the oil.

Sautée the radicchio flat side down for 10 minutes to develop some caramelisation on the bottom side. 

Pour in the tomato juice and maple syrup. Sprinkle in the salt and the chili flakes. Bring the liquid up to a boil before covering the pan tightly with tin foil. Blap the whole thing in the oven for 2 hours. Uncover and let stand for 10 minutes before serving to your loved one.