Trim out the beef and enjoy some Prime cut, Grade-A Calgary without having a cow.

Calgary Rarebit

1 Tbsp butter

1 Tbsp flour

1 cup of any Wild Rose beer or Milk

½ cup grated Sylvan Star Gouda

1 Tbsp Brassica grainy mustard (Prairie Caviar)

1 free-range local egg

8 thick slices of Aviv’s bread

8 grape tomatoes, halved

Preheat the oven to 450°F.

Place the bread on a parchment lined baking sheet. Toast the bread on one side until the top is crispy and lightly toasted.

Get a pot on medium-high heat. Drop in the butter right away and sprinkle in the flour. Now use a whisk to mix the melting butter and the flour. They will bunch up pretty quick, which is cool. Keep whisking and pour in a splash of beer. Holy crap, it looks like gross goo, that’s cool, keep stirring. Pour in some more beer. Holy crap, still gross, it’s cool, keep stirring and make sure it stays smooth. Go a little more on the beer and keep stirring . . . Still looks like pus, but that’s fine as long as it’s smooth. Now you can dump in the rest of the beer and keep stirring until it comes to a boil.

When it boils, turn off the heat and switch to a wooden a spoon. Stir in the cheese until it’s smooth. Then plus it with the mustard. It should be cool enough to add the egg. But make sure you stir it in quickly before it starts to cook.

Pour or spoon the gooey cheese sauce over the pieces of bread. Blap the whole mess into the oven until the top puffs up a bit and gets nicely golden and bubbly. Watch it carefully, it can go from nice and toasty to burnt in the blink of an eye.

Serve it with nice juicy tomatoes on top. And look there’s some beer left in that bottle.

Beer

Wild Rose Brewery has seasonal beers, tap room tours and party pigs. You don’t need a Golden Ticket to get into the Beer Brewery and enjoy the flowing pints of happiness.

Bldg AF23, #2 – 4580 Quesnay Wood Drive SW, in Currie Barracks. wildrosebrewery.com, 403-720-2733

Cheese

Award winning full flavoured old Grizzly Gouda is so good it makes other cheeses seem cheesey. Pick up a slab at any Calgary cheese monger Janice Beaton Fine Cheese, Springbank Cheese Company and Say Cheese Fromagerie.

Sylvanstarcheesefarm.ca

Mustard

Get some whole grain prairie caviar from Brassica in a variety of flavours. Find all kinds at The Cookbook Co., Savour Fine Foods & Kitchenwares and Community Natural Foods.

brassicamustard.com

Bread

Genius baker Aviv makes the best bread in town. Grab a loaf at his bakery (5524 1 A St SW) Friday, Saturday from 10am-2pm or around town at Market 17, Fresh Kitchen and Sunnyside Market.

sidewalkcitizenbakery.com

Scarborough Fair was an annual raucous medieval festival of merriment organized to conduct a little bartering. This pleasant peasant party lasted from The Feast of the Assumption of Blessed Virgin Mary (Aug 15) until the Feast of St.Michael (Sept 29). Raise thine flagons of good-cheer beer and snarffle down a herby minced meat hand-pie whilst thou sing a classic ballad in honour of Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme.

Scarborough hand pies

Makes 4 handpies, the recipe is easily doubled

Hot water crust

1 ½ cups flour

pinch of salt

1 egg

1/3 cup water

1 stick of butter, cubed

filling

150g (approx ½ cup) Spragg Meats Ground pork

150g (approx ½ cup) Spragg Meats breakfast Pork sausage

¼ cup of raisins or currants

2 sprigs each of parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme (leaves only)

egg-wash

1 beaten egg for brushing and sealing

Sift flour into a large bowl.  Make a hole in the middle and toss in the egg, cover it with some flour.

In a small pot combine the water, salt and butter, bring to a boil until the butter is completely melted.

Pour the hot water into the dry ingredients and use a table knife to mix it all together until you form a dough ball.

Gather the dough into a ball, wrap it in plastic wrap and blap it all into the fridge to chill for 1 hour.

Meanwhile prepare your meatballs.

Combine the finely chopped herbs with the meat and divide the meat into 4 equal balls. Roll them tightly.

Cut off 1/3 of the dough ball and set aside for the lids. Roll out the remaining dough until it is ¼ inch thick. Cut out 4 5-inch circles using a bowl as a cutting guide.

Roll out the remaining 1/3 of the dough ball to ¼ inch thick. Cut out 4 3-inch lids using a smaller bowl as a cutting guide.

Brush beaten egg around the edge of the 5-inch disk of dough.

Place a meatball in the center of the disk of dough and pull up the sides to form an open pocket around the meatball. Now place a lid on top and crimp the edges to seal, pinching and crimping all around to form a seal. Now poke a small hole in the top to vent and brush the tops with the remaining egg wash. If you like you can cut out some little leaf shapes from the remaining dough to place on the top of the pie. So ornate!

Pop them back into the fridge for 20 minutes to firm up.

Meanwhile, preheat the oven to 375˚F.

Place the pies an inch apart on a parchment lined baking sheet.

Bake at 375˚ for 15 minutes, take out the pies and reduce the heat down to 325˚F for 15 minutes or until golden brown and beautiful.

Set them on a wire rack to cool for 15 minutes before eating one with a nice flagon of ale.

For some pictures on shaping handpies, check out an older post for Plumpies

As seen in Swerve Magazine…

Looks like Canadian Beef is having a little contest to see who can come up with the best recipe using Canadian beef. The winner gets to head south to the Eat,Write, Retreat.

Here is a truly Kitchen Scraps inspired recipe with animated story…

The Bird and the Turd: A Cautionary Tale

Once upon a time in the great white northern Canada, there was a little bird who was a big jerk. Not only did he call the other birds fowl names, he told them that flying south was a stupid idea. They were more than happy to leave without him.

The little bird was overjoyed to be on his own. But he had never been in the north for the winter, so he was unprepared when a snowstorm hit, blew him from his nest, and deposited him into a snowbank two miles down the road.

All he could do was shiver and wait to die.

When a thoughtful cow spotted the shivering bird, she wanted to help the poor thing. She turned around, lifted her tail, and dropped a hot steamy pile of relief right on top of the bird’s head. Wasn’t that a nice cow?

The moment it dawned on the bird that he was covered in cow plop, he jumped up and let out a torrent of sailor-calibre slurs. The poor cow, who was only trying to help, decided to walk away, but the bird kept on fiercely cussing.

A curious cat came along to see what all the flapping was about.

The turd-head bird told the cat his sad story. The cat seemed sympathetic and offered to help. He took the little yapper back to the farmhouse and rinsed him clean in a warm soapy bird bath . . . before promptly gobbling him down.

Morals of the Story

1. Someone who craps on you doesn’t necessarily mean you any harm.

2. Someone who hauls you out of crap isn’t necessarily looking out for your best interests.

3. Just because someone gives you a recipe that looks like a pile of crap on a plate, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to taste like crap.

AND FINALLY, THE RECIPE…

Steak and Mushroom Cowpie

30 brown button mushrooms (cremini), quartered

2 Tbsp kosher or sea salt

2 lb stewing beef or chuck steak, cut into 1-inch cubes

vegetable oil for the pan, up to 2 Tbsp for onions

3 Tbsp flour

1 onion, chopped

2 cups beef broth

1 cup Guinness

1 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce

pinch of nutmeg

salt and pepper

1 package frozen puff pastry, defrosted (read the instructions—some take about 2 hours to defrost)

PROCEDURE

In a big pot over medium-high heat, heat some oil and start to brown the cubed beef in small batches, removing the beef when it is browned onto a large plate or casserole dish. The meat doesn’t need to be cooked through, just browned on the outside for flavour. After you have browned all the beef, brown little batches of the mushrooms, and then transfer to the same dish as the beef.

Reduce the heat to medium, pour in some oil if the drippings don’t amount to about 2 Tbsp, and cook the onion until it is translucent, about 5 minutes. Sprinkle in the flour evenly and mix it up a bit with a wooden spoon. Crank the heat to full blast and throw in the beef broth and the Guinness. Scrape the sticky bits off the bottom of the pan. Now add all the previously browned beef along with their juices, and the mushrooms, Worcestershire sauce, nutmeg, and salt and pepper. Drop the heat to low, cover and simmer for at least 2 hours.

In the meantime roll out the puff pastry to 1/2 inch thick. Using a round cookie cutter cut out at least 6 rounds of dough, and bake them according to the package’s instructions, timing it until you are ready to serve.

To serve, ladle out the pie “pie” into shallow bowls and top with a piece of flaky fresh-from-the-oven puff pastry.

It’s as easy as pie . . . actually, it’s easier.

Serves 6 close friends.

Crusty Topper

It may be crustless on the bottom, but you can still call it a pie. Making puff pastry from scratch is a lot of work and it takes some practice . . . so I like to skip all that and just get the frozen stuff. Nothing to feel guilty about. It bakes up nicely and makes a great topper for this pie.

The ancient Bolognese (Bo-lo-nyay-zay) style of single-handed swordplay was crafted and mastered in the rough and rugged town of Bologna, Italy. It is an effective way to render any opponent into minced meat. On the other hand, the Bolognese style of pasta sauce is a tasty way to turn any minced meat (preferably not an opponent, unless it’s a pig or a cow) into a thick flavourful ragu. Either, or both, are a great way to settle the argument about what’s for dinner.

Bolognese meat sauce

2 Tbsp vegetable oil

1 onion, finely diced

1 carrot, finely diced

2 ribs of celery, finely diced

1 glass red wine

2 cloves of garlic

1 small can (156ml) of tomato paste

1-14 oz can of tomato purée

1 cup of unsalted beef or chicken stock

1 tsp dried, ground fennel seed

½ tsp ground cloves

1 pound ground beef, pork, chicken, veal, turkey or moose

2 large spicy Italian sausages, uncooked, removed from the casing

Salt, at the end of cooking to taste

500g of dried spaghetti or rigatoni

pinch of salt

½ bunch of chopped fresh parsley

fresh cracker pepper

really good olive oil

Get a large pot on the stove over medium high heat.

When the pot is hot, pour in the oil and wait for 10 seconds until it’s hot. Now add the onions and carrots. Cook for 5 minutes, stirring around occasionally until the carrots and onions get really nice and caramelized.

If some spots in the pot start to get really dark and a bit burnt you can pour some cold water on that spot and then carry on cooking the rest of the onions and carrots.

Add the finely minced celery and crank up the heat to full tilt. Pour in the wine and boil it until the boozey smell evaporates, about 2 minutes. Add the stock, garlic, fennel, cloves, tomato paste and stir it all up until smooth.

Reduce the heat to simmer and add all the meat in small chunks. Stir the meat all about, doing your best to mash it up into the tiniest little specs you can manage. It should be a consistently chunky mess.

Pop a lid on top and simmer for 1 hour. Stir it about every 10 minutes. Remove the lid and determine if the sauce is thick enough. It should be quite a thick ragu.

To make the pasta, bring a big pot of salty water to a boil. Add the pasta and cook check the package for cooking time, probably 8 minutes. Drain the pasta and immediately toss in the Bolognese sauce, tossing to coat.

If it is not thick enough, simply turn up the heat to medium and cook until the liquid reduces. If it’s too thick, add some of the pasta water.

When it reaches you desired thickness taste it and add salt until it tastes perfect. If you add salt too early and the sauce reduces, the sauce can become too salty.

Serve up four piping hot bowls and make sure you top everyone’s pasta with the meaty bits that settle to the bottom.

Top with loads of pepper, fresh chopped parsley and a drizzle of good olive oil.

FOR ALL KINDS OF EXTRA INFO ON BOLOGNESE

CHECK OUT THE NEW SWERVE WEBSITE

Check out the new Beef Carpaccio on the brand new Swerve Magazine website! Righteous camera stylings by Randy Gibson.

Heading to a potluck Meat and Greet? Want to make a bloody good/bad impression? Well you could pull out your lovely meat dress that is dry curing in the closet or you can take along some impressive beef carpaccio.

For any food to be liked greatly by some, it is very likely to be disliked greatly by others. Take cilantro, Kentucky Fried Chicken or petrified duck eggs for example. You either love it or hate it.

This thin sliced raw beef carpaccio will appeal to adventurous eaters and carnivores. But you’ll be out of luck when it comes to pregnant ladies or vegetarians.

Although the vegetarian, Paul, in the video didn’t seem too offended by the raw meet and Julie,who is not a vegetarian was all about about it! Hope you like the video… what do you want to see next?

Beef Carpaccio

INGREDIENTS

1 pound of really fresh, well-sourced* grass-fed beef tenderloin (make it as evenly cylindrical as possible)

1 shallot, very finely minced

handful of fresh herbs: parsley and/or basil (leaves only)

20-30 capers, without the brine

1 cup of mayonnaise

1 clove of garlic, finely grated or zested

zest of lemon zest, zest the lemon onto the carpaccio

PROCEDURE

Get a heavy bottom pan, preferably cast iron, over high heat and let it get nice and hot for 5-10 minutes. Keep the pan clean and dry, no oil. If the pan is hot you won’t need it and it will just make things smokey.

Meanwhile, pat the meat dry with paper towel. Season your meat with coarse salt, fresh cracked pepper and a fine sprinkle of ground cloves.

Test the pan by placing a corner of the meat on the surface. If it sizzles you can put the beef in the top part of the pan. See the video for the rolling technique. Sear it on all sides until it is nice and brown and caramelised (Maillard Reaction). Don’t forget to sear the ends too.

Place the seared beef in a clean container and pop it in the freezer for 20 minutes to get half frozen (semi-fredo).

Meanwhile make the garlic mayo by combining the zested or grated garlic with the mayo and place it all in a squeeze tube for easy squirting. Also, you can prep the shallots, capers, herbs, etc.

Slice the semi-fredo beef using a really sharp long slicing knife. If the meat is tearing just put it back in the freezer for a while longer or get a sharper knife.

After each cut lay the slice delicately on a plate. Continue plating and being sure to over lap the pieces slightly and cover the whole plate.

Dress the beef with finely minced shallots, capers, fresh herbs, coarse salt, fresh pepper and a wicked slathering of garlic mayonnaise.

Eat with your fingers.

* I get my beef tenderloin from Tim Hoven (farmer and butcher) at Hoven Farms in Kingland Farmer’s Market

Everybody goes a little cuckoo-crazy this time of year.The days grow shorter, colder and more dreary, and the decreasing amount of sunlight has a negative effect upon our mental fitness. You either need a trip to Hawaii or some comfort food to keep your spirits up through our long winters. Sadly, tropical vacations may now be out of reach financially (how’s that RRSP doing?), but the cure for our Seasonal Affective Disorder state can be found within the skin of the plentiful, and pennywise, winter squash.

Don’t let that tough, seemingly impenetrable exterior stop you. People fear what lies beneath that hard shell, which is a shame because beneath its gruff exterior this perfect fall veggie is a gold mine of nutritionally dense complex carbohydrates, vitamins and minerals. What’s more, it’s crazy delicious.

To conquer your squash phobia, you must first put down those out-of-season Mexican strawberries and pick up a gourd. Choosing a squash is easier than you think. For the most part, they’re immune to manhandling and can easily survive the short truck ride from the farm to our local markets and stores. Don’t worry about surface scratches or dirt; you won’t be eating the skin, so just make sure there are no gashes or soft bruises. Load up on a variety of squash now and if you store them in a cool dark spot, they’ll last all winter and probably most of next year.

Deciding which to choose is the least of your worries. From the gnarly skinned hubbard to the elegant delicata and the smooth, familiar pumpkin, gourds all have something special to offer. And don’t worry about what to do with them. There are many ways to cook a squash: puréed in soup, spiced in a tagine, cooked into risotto or baked in a pie.

This brings us back to the real root of our fears: people are most afraid of what they can’t see. To combat that, take our fall-vegetable Rorsquash test, a series of photographs of seemingly randomly squashed squash that are designed to trigger your innermost dining desires. Based upon what you see in these photos, you’ll be able to figure out your squash personality, and through that, unlock the secret to a veggie feast and a SAD-free fall.

Butternut squash

Figure No. 1: You see the remains of an orange-fleshed acrobat that fell from a tightrope to its doom

You must be eating way too many nuts, because you are what you eat. To get back on track, you need to switch to toasted pumpkin seeds.

First, gut your squash by cutting it in half and scooping out the insides. Free the seeds from the gunky stuff and place them in a bowl. Pour in a little oil to coat, and add plenty of salt and some seasoning like paprika or cinnamon. Evenly distribute the seeds on a parchment-lined baking sheet and toast at 160 °C (325 °F) until they are crispy and delicious. Scrape them into a bowl to cool and pick up the phone; sharing the seeds can help you make some meaningful connections with well-adjusted humans who simply don’t see what you do in this photo.

Acorn squash

Figure No. 2: You see roasted squash swimming in butter and salt

You over-complicate your life with meaningless pursuits when you should be trying to simplify things.

Take any winter squash and cut it in half or quarters. Scoop out the seeds and set them aside for roasting. In a deep baking dish, toss in the squash pieces and pour in a cup of water. Tightly cover the dish with foil and put it in a 175 °C (350 °F) oven. After 45 minutes, remove the foil and check for doneness. The squash is cooked when the flesh is tender and you can pull it easily away from the skin with a spoon. Serve hot, with loads of cold butter and plenty of salt.

Delicata squash

Figure No. 3: You see a colourful squash salad

You are restless and can not easily find satisfaction with the ordinary. Clearly, you are tired of the same old cold-weather comfort food and long for brighter flavours.

Select a thin-skinned squash, such as delicata or small pumpkin, so you’ll be able to eat the skin when it is roasted. Slice the squash into rounds or wedges, remove the seeds and place the pieces on a baking sheet. Lubricate generously with oil and season with thyme or rosemary and plenty of salt.

Bake the squash at 175 °C (350 °F) until it is tender and has developed some golden-brown colour. Remove the squash from oven and let it cool slightly. Plate the warm chunks or wedges and top with wedges of fresh tomato, whole pitted black olives, grated Parmesan cheese, strips of prosciutto and a splash of lemon juice or balsamic vinegar. Finish with a drizzle of dark-green pumpkin-seed oil for a surprising aromatic effect.

Buttercup squash

Figure No. 4: You see a bowl of hot, creamy Squash soup

Your life is in shambles, your house is a chaotic mess of disorganization and you crave order.

Use a butternut, buttercup or hubbard squash and roast it according to the instructions above. Scoop out all the flesh and place it in a blender. Cover with warm water and blend until velvety smooth. (Add more water if necessary.) Pour into a pot and slowly heat it through. Add salt to taste, some grated ginger and a knob of cold butter. Serve in a sparkling white bowl with a little dollop of sour cream and fresh cracked pepper. Savour the smooth simplicity.

There are bound to be some unexpected assorted nuts at your holiday party. Maybe a crazy uncle with an eye patch or a dance troupe of Danish Marzipan Sheperdesses. Forgo the usual boxed crackers, skip the untouched bowl of whole nuts and make your very own nut crackers. You just never know when a dancing royal Nut Cracker might show up at your party. Wouldn’t that be nuts?

The Nut cracker

1½ cup of almond flour, packed

¼ cup of nut oil (almond, hazelnut or walnut)

1 egg

1½ tsp salt

1 tsp mustard powder

1/2 tsp paprika

1/3 cup filled with assorted unsalted nuts and seeds, chopped small

Here are some excellent examples of nuts and seeds

• pumpkin seeds, left whole

• sesame seeds, left whole

• chopped walnuts

• chopped hazelnuts

• sunflower seeds, left whole

Serve with assorted cheeses and cold cuts

Preheat the oven to 350˚F.

To make your own almond flour, just blitz blanched slivered almonds in the food processor until they resemble fine sand, or buy it already ground.

Get a large bowl.

Combine all the ingredients in the bowl and mix with a wooden spoon until everything is thoroughly combined.

Get a large baking sheet ready.

Place a large sheet of parchment paper down on a counter.

Scoop out the ball of nut dough and place it in the center of the parchment. Use your hands to flatten it out into a large rectangle. Place another piece of parchment on top and grab a rolling pin (or a wine bottle).

Use just a little pressure to roll out the dough starting in the middle and rolling up, then starting back in the middle and rolling down. Rotate and repeat.

Roll the dough to 1/8 inch thick all over and try to keep the edges from getting to crumbly.

Now slide the flat dough onto the baking sheet.

Remove the top piece of parchment. Before you bake, cut out the crackers using a round cookie cutter or a pizza cutter. For the cookie cutter cut out rounds and leave them where they lie with all the filler dough left untouched too. Or you could use a pizza cutter to cut squarish shapes.

Blap the tray into the oven and bake for 10-12 minutes. Remove from the oven and leave them to cool. They will become more cracker-like as they cool.

When cool keep the crackers in an airtight container for up to 10 days.

gets along with

Most nuts get along with salt, pepper, rosemary, thyme, pepper. Cumin, paprika, figs, prunes, parsley, beets, carrots, assorted cheeses.

fresh pick

For unshelled nuts, pick nuts that have dry, clean shells with no signs of mold around the edges. For shelled nuts, choose whole nuts that are not broken, not too dry looking and they should feel heavy for their size. If. Get them raw or roasted, but avoid salted nuts for cooking in recipes.

Almond Flour is available at Community Natural Foods and Planet Organic. Assorted nuts from Going Nuts Inc., Calgary Farmers’ Market, Currie Barracks, www.goingnuts.ca.

Quick fire

Sweet and spicy nuts. Get a large frying pan over medium high heat. Place 2 cups of mixed raw nuts (almonds, walnuts, hazelnut, cashews) in the pan and toss frequently until they smell nutty and look toasty, about 5 minutes. If you are using roasted nuts, they will only take 2 minutes to warm up.

Drizzle 2 Tbsp of maple syrup and 1 Tbsp of butter on the nuts and continue tossing with a wooden spoon to coat the nuts. When the nuts are sticky and glossy sprinkle on some salt and a pinch of cayenne to taste. Sprinkle the salt and cayenne from really high so it distributes evenly all over the nuts instead of just in one hot spot that will light someone’s face on fire.

Pour the nuts in a single layer onto a parchment paper lined baking sheet and allow them to cool before serving in a festive bowl.

nerdbyte

Here are some nutty lyrics from a classic Christmas ditty I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas, by Yogi Yorgesson

“Oh I yust go nuts at Christmas,

Shopping sure drives me berserk

On the day before, I rush in da store

Like a nervous nelly yerk.”

Nipply weather means a very inhibiting change of wardrobe for nudists. Fight the cold outside with warm deliciously tender gnudi inside your tummy.
These pasta dumplings are easy to prepare, but take some extra time to form in the fridge. The result is well worth the wait when you take your first bite of these yummy little bundles of warmth.

After you get that warm fuzzy feeling go for a bare-rump romp in the snow, but you may want to wear something to keep Jack Frost from nipping at your nipply bits.

Ingredients

300g  ricotta

100g grated parmesan

1 egg

pinch salt

4 cups semolina flour

¼ cup butter

2 cloves garlic, crushed

5 sage leaves

1 Tbsp balsamic vinegar

Procedure

In a bowl, mix together the ricotta, parmesan, egg and pinch of salt. In a deep dish with straight sides cover the bottom of the dish with half of the semolina flour. Place the ricotta bowl next to the semolina dish. Grab a spoonful of the ricotta mix, roll it in your palms to make a perfect ball. This is good practice for making snowballs. Place the balls in the bed of semolina flour with space between each ball.

Bury the ricotta balls with the remaining semolina flour, cover with plastic wrap and place in the fridge for 48-72 hours. The semolina flour will extract the moisture from the ricotta and form its own natural pasta shell. The shell is delicate and requires gentle handling and cooking, but the result is a rich, tender ball of ricotta pasta in your mouth.

To cook, fill a pot with 2 inches of salty water and bring to a very gentle simmer. A rapid boil will tear the gnudi to shreds.

In a frying pan over medium heat, melt the butter with sage leaves and grated garlic. Cook it slowly until the butter begins to get brown. Before it gets too brown add the vinegar for flavour and to stop the cooking. Remove the pan from the heat so it does not continue to get brown or burn.

When you are ready to cook the gnudi, carefully extract the tender little dumplings and gingerly shake off the excess flour. Don’t shake off too much, more will cook off while it boils, but that is fine. Place a few in the gently simmering water and cook for 5 minutes. Remove them with a slotted spoon, don’t dump into a strainer or they will fall apart. Place them directly in the brown butter sauce and flip to coat in sauce. Serve eight on a warm plate with a nice sprinkling of parmesan cheese. Don’t eat the sage, it is certainly edible, but it is only there to add flavour.

Plan to feed 4 people, but expect to want to make them again immediately… oh wait they take two days to make… better make more next time.

Check out the next issue of Avenue Magazine for a stellar list of fun winter ideas to help you Embrace or Escape the Winter Wonderland, compilled and written by Jaelyn Molyneux. It happens to also have some cool little illustrations…

Beets are bloody lovely this time of year with their sweet, sticky sanguine appeal. For die-hard carnivores beets offer a gateway vegetable to help supplement their meaty diet and for the opposing side it can help vegetarians fulfill their animalistic blood lust. For omnivores stuck in the middle… if you can’t join either of ‘em, beet ‘em.

Beetball subs

INGREDIENTS

10-12 small beets or 4-5 medium beets

700 ml tomato sauce puree

10 whole garlic cloves, peeled

salt, to taste

drizzle of extra virgin olive oil

700 ml bottle of tomato purée

4 hoagie/sub buns

sub sauce

200 g goat cheese

1 heaping Tbsp of mayonnaise

2 Tbsp finely chopped chives

horseradish, to taste

salt, to taste

PROCEDURE

Preheat your oven to 350˚F.

Chop the top ½ inch off the heads of garlic and place the garlic and beets in a deep baking dish. Pour ½ inch of water into the pan and cover tightly with tinfoil.

Roast the beets for 2 hours. Shake the pan around every half our or so.

Check to see if they are done by poking the point of a sharp knife into the beet and if the beet is soft and the knife slide back out easily the beets are done. If they’re not done roast for another 30 minutes and check again.

When the beets are done let them cool while you prepare the tomato sauce and the goat cheese.

Place the goat cheese, mayonnaise, chives, horseradish and a pinch of salt in a sealable sandwich bag. Mush it all up and snip off one of the corners to make pouring easy.

Get a large pot on the stove over medium heat and pour in the tomato sauce. Squeeze out the roasted garlic cloves into the sauce and season with a good pinch of salt. Let it simmer away while you peel the beets.

To avoid getting caught red handed you can peel the beets under trickling water in the sink or you can use rubber gloves. You won’t need a peeler because the skins are soft enough to just rub off with your thumbs.

Plop the beets into the pot of tomato sauce and cook for 5 minutes. If you have medium sized beets, you might want to quarter them to make eating possible.

Get a nice soft hoagie/sub bun and squeeze on some of that awesome goat cheese sub sauce, pile on the saucy beets and as much tomato sauce as you can handle and then scatter on a few left over chives. If there’s any room left drizzle on some really good olive oil.

Get some napkins handy, disconnect your jaw and take a big bite, careful it might be hot! If you were ever going to wear a bib, now’s the time.

gets along with

Apples, butter, carrots, chives, soft cheeses, cream, garlic, goat cheese, honey, horseradish, olive oil, orange, pinenuts, smoked meat, sour cream, walnuts, vinegar.

fresh pick

Go get some Alberta beets out in Bowden at the Eagle Creek Farm (eaglecreekfarms.ca)

Pick beets with tight, dry skins. They should be hard with no soft spots. Ideally you can get them with dark green leaves on top, which are lovely fried in butter with garlic and a splash of balsamic or sherry vinegar.

They come in loads of different colours from yellow to pink to candy striped. But the best beet flavour comes from the dark crimson red beets.

quick fire

You can enjoy beets raw with this simple BEET TARTARE. Peel 2-3 beets and grate it into a bowl. Add a splash of olive oil, some orange zest, a little scoop of Dijon mustard, 10 capers, 1 finely chopped gherkin pickle. Use a 4 inch metal ring (Or take both rounds out of a tuna can) to shape the beet mixture into a nice round shape on a plate. Top with little chunks of soft goat cheese and a fried egg and some freshly chopped chives and lots of fresh cracked pepper.

nerdbyte

Red alert…

No matter how often I eat beets, I am constantly alarmed the next day to discover that I am urinating blood . . . or so it seems. The dye in beets gives your urine a faint red tint and may come as a shock if you are not expecting it.

You’ve been warned.