Lazy loafer’s thanksgiving turkey meatloaf

Thanksgiving is a time of togetherness, a time to give thanks and a time to openly criticise the ones you love.  No matter how picturesque your turkey is, or how traditional your stuffing is or how scratchy your gravy is, it doesn’t change the fact that you have to spend thanksgiving with crazy people. 

Just be thankful that thanksgiving only happens once a year.

If you have in-laws coming for the first time, be an out-law and pinch out this time-saving thanksgiving feast. Instead of getting drunk, getting in a fight and inevitably crying, try the lazy loafer’s thanksgiving meatloaf with a can of jellied cranberry and a packet of instant gravy.  You can thank me at the table.

GUESTS (clockwise from blue shirt guy)

the guy-you-only-see-at-thanksgiving: he never speaks, but you suspect he saved your dad’s life in a bar fight in Bangkok in the 70’s

the vegetarian: that ceramic bowl of lentils and rice she brought is a slap in the face of your hard earned evolution

the druncle: the drunk uncle who’s only contribution to dinner is a box of wine that he drank himself

the angsty teen: too old for the kids’ table, too young to regulate emotions with alcohol

the angry doctor: it’s not enough to just have an opinion about everything, he has to have a ‘professional’ opinion

farty pants grandpa: even if he could hear it he wouldn’t care what you think, he fought in the war gosh-darndit

INGREDIENTS

500g ground turkey

1 turkey sausage, cooked and chopped up

1/2 onion, finely chopped

2 rib of celery, chopped

6 brussel sprouts

1/2 cup dried cranberries

1/4 of day old baguette, cubed (approx 1 1/4 cup)

1 tbsp poultry seasoning

2 tbsp salt 

5 tbsp melted butter, divided

1 egg

sMashed potatoes

3 peeled russet potatoes, quartered

2 tbsp butter, melted

1/2 cup buttermilk

Salt

PROCEDURE

In a large pot melt half your butter (2 1/2 tbsp) butter over high heat. Add the onions, celery and brussel sprouts and cook until they soften (5 mins). Toss in your dry bread crumbs with poulty seasoning, the pre-cooked turkey sausage and the remaining butter (2 1/2 tbsp). Mix the whole lot together until it is all combined, then get it into a bowl, cover with cling wrap and put it in the fridge for at least 1/2 an hour until it cools. 

Half hour later…

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. 

Get a big pot of water on to boil for the potatoes.

Now bust out the bowl from the fridge, and with your hand mix in the ground turkey, dried cranberries and egg until you have a mushy consistent paste. Lube up a loaf pan with some more butter and get the whole mess in the pan and blap it in the oven for 40 mins. 

In the meantime, peal and quarter your potatoes. Boil them in very salty water until they are fork tender, drain off the water. Let them stand in the colander for 5 minutes so they dry out just a bit, then back into the pot to smash the daylights out of them. Now mix in the melted butter, buttermilk and salt (to taste) being careful not to over mix.

Take out the loaf at the 30 minute mark and crank it to broil. Transfer it to a flat pan and top it with half the mashed potatoes (serve the other half on the side), then blap it back in the oven for 10 mins while you open up a can of cranberry jelly, and whip up a packet of instant gravy.